There’s something about being in the right pub. You actually feel it the second you walk in the door. The atmosphere, like a dense fog on the N8, envelops your every sense. The comfortableness of it hits you between the eyes and you know exactly where you need to be. But what makes the perfect pub. Is it the material, the wood, bricks and mortar? Is it the people who work there? The folks who drink there? The pints they serve?

To me the ideal watering hole is not a hit and miss combination of the above, but and exact science. An astrological lining up of the planets in a precise way that creates the perfect drinking experience. I have been to manys a pub where the establishment shone in one or two of the criteria. For instance, the bartender is amazing in one bar. In another, it’s the lads and girls who drink there that make the evening. While in another, it’s the quality of the stout and beer that make you want to come back. Then like I said, the atmosphere, an intangible thing made up by the people and the materials can make you want to stay. Rare is a place that has all that. When you find it, you stick with it and hope it never changes.

I would love to have what the boys at Cheers had. Didn’t Sam Malone know what he was doing?

My ideal pub is sort of on the dingy side, sort of. I like my pub to be dark, so that when you leave in the daylight, your eyes don’t adjust and you feel like you’ve been far away from the everyday. Give me wood walls, old fashioned floorboards and tiles, antique memorabilia on the walls including old currency from all over the world, postcards from the seventies with women in bikinis on them, old style jugs of beer, the Proclamation of Independence somewhere and a few local football teams in their glory days. Stuff that has meaning to someone.

I love a proper big fireplace with coal beside it that you can add in when you feel it needs it, and plenty of room for everyone to get their hands in. It gives a pub that homey feel. Also some pub grub wouldn’t go astray, like chicken wings, chunky chips and wedges, burgers and sausages. I love it on a Sunday when the staff come around with sausages and sandwiches for the punters who’ve just been down to the match or home from the races. Great salty food with a pint, never mind the arteries.

To TV or not to TV, that is the question? My personal opinion would be to have the TV on, but with the sound down. Preferrably to the sport channels, but sometimes its good to have a change and to watch something like “I’m a Celebrity” or “The News”. It gets people talking. Put a jukebox on with an array of music and if you have room a pool table would be nice. Come to think of it, a dart board too.

If the pub provides some music, I love a trad session. It’s wonderful when the pub is hushed listening to that lone singer, or all humming along to a ballad, or even chatting over a raucous reel.

When I sit at the bar, the publican calls me by name and asks what I’ll be drinking. If he doesn’t know me, he’s friendly and interested. A good barman or woman should be able to read his/her customer, and know when to leave him alone, or whether to launch into a chat about the news, the sport or even the meaning of life. A barman/woman with a bit of a story about themselves is always good.

Lastly let my friends be there, if they’re not, I’ll make a few. I’m not leaving this place.